It was a Tuesday morning in March. I remember it clearly because it was the day I finally cried in my car before walking into the office.
Not because of anything dramatic. Not because of a crisis at work or a fight at home. I cried because I was tired. Bone-deep, soul-level tired. I had been up since 5am — making breakfast, packing school bags, doing a quick sweep of the living room, getting myself dressed for work, trying to find my daughter’s missing shoe, responding to a work WhatsApp, all at the same time.
By the time I dropped her off and joined the Thika Road traffic, I had already been “on” for two and a half hours. And the workday hadn’t even started.
I sat in that traffic and I thought: I cannot keep doing this.
That was the moment I decided to hire a house help. And it is the decision I wish I had made two years earlier.
The Life I Was Living Before
I want to be honest with you, because I know many Nairobi working mums reading this are living some version of the same story.
I am a marketing manager at a company in Westlands. My husband travels frequently for work. We have a seven-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son. We live in Kasarani. On paper, life looks good. In reality, I was drowning.
My days looked something like this:
Wake up at 5am. Prepare breakfast. Sort out school uniforms. Pack lunch boxes. Shower and dress myself. Drop the kids to school by 7:15am. Fight traffic to get to work by 8:30 or 9am. Work. Fight traffic home. Pick up the kids. Prepare dinner. Do homework with my daughter. Bathe the children. Put them to bed. Clean up the kitchen. Do laundry if there was still energy left. Fall into bed by midnight. Wake up and repeat.
Weekends were not for resting. Weekends were for catching up on everything that did not get done during the week — deep cleaning, ironing, grocery shopping, and all the invisible planning that kept the household running.
It is 5:00 am and the household is still asleep, but the mind is already racing ahead. There’s a child’s swimming kit to pack, groceries to order, a dentist appointment to reschedule, a Zoom meeting with the boss at 10 am — none of this written down. It lives quietly and relentlessly in her head, a mental checklist that never truly switches off.
That paragraph could have been written about me. It could be written about thousands of working mums in Nairobi right now.
The Invisible Load Nobody Talks About
There is a term for what I was carrying: the mental load. It refers to the unspoken, often unnoticed cognitive labour that keeps a household running. The thinking, planning, tracking, anticipating, and organising that happens invisibly — entirely in a mother’s head — on top of everything she physically does.
New global research published by the University of Melbourne in December 2024 found that mothers shoulder 71 percent of the household’s mental load — the invisible yet essential thinking work required to keep a family running. This includes everything from managing school schedules and meal planning to organising family activities and overseeing household budgets.
Seventy-one percent. And in Kenya, where many working mums also carry the burden of managing extended family expectations, community obligations, and a city like Nairobi that demands hours of your life just in commute, that number likely feels even heavier.
Balancing work and family life is tough for anyone, but for working mothers, the challenges can feel especially intense. In Nairobi specifically, the dynamics of city life compound every pressure. The city is such that many workers leave very early for work and return home late at night as traffic jams are a daily phenomenon.
I was not failing. I was not weak. I was simply one person trying to carry what should have been carried by more than one person. And I kept refusing to ask for help.
Why I Waited So Long
This is the part I find most difficult to write about — because I think it is the part that resonates most with other working mums.
I waited too long to hire help because of guilt.
Guilt that I should be able to handle it all. Guilt that paying someone to help in my home somehow meant I was not a good enough wife or mother. Guilt about what my mother-in-law might think. Guilt about spending money on myself — because somehow, that is how I had framed it. As a luxury for me. Not as a necessity for my family.
I had bought into the supermum myth — the idea that a good mother handles everything, does everything, and never shows that she is struggling. That to ask for help was to admit defeat.
It took me burning out completely to realise that the supermum myth was not protecting my family. It was slowly destroying me — and by extension, robbing my children of the version of their mother they deserved.
The Decision That Changed Everything
I called a friend whose household always seemed calm and organised — even though she was also a working mum with three children. I had always wondered how she managed it. Her answer was simple.
“I have a house help. She has been with us for four years. I don’t know what I would do without her.”
She referred me to a vetted candidate through a trusted agency. I interviewed two people, conducted reference checks, asked for a Certificate of Good Conduct, and put everything in a written contract. Two weeks later, Mercy came to work in our home.
That was fourteen months ago. And everything changed.
What Actually Changed After Hiring a House Help
I want to be specific here, because vague promises of “a better life” are not useful. Here is what concretely, practically, measurably changed in my household:
My Mornings Became Human Again
Before Mercy, mornings were chaos. Now, by the time I wake up, breakfast is being prepared. School bags are checked the evening before. Uniforms are already ironed and ready. My children eat a proper, unhurried breakfast. I have time to get dressed without sprinting. I leave the house on time — and I arrive at work calm, not frazzled.
This single change alone made an immediate difference to my performance at work. I was not starting every day already depleted.
I Became More Present With My Children
This is the change that matters most to me. When I come home in the evening, I am not immediately swallowed by a list of household tasks that have been building since morning. Dinner is either ready or nearly ready. The house is clean. The laundry is done.
Which means that when my daughter runs to me at the door, I can actually stop and hold her. I can sit down and ask about her day and genuinely listen to the answer. I can help with homework without one eye on the pile of dishes. I can be there for bedtime without calculating what else still needs to be done after they sleep.
Domestic workers’ duties and responsibilities extend beyond the typical household work and childcare to include helping children with schoolwork, taking sick children to clinics for medical attention, and so on. Mercy helps my daughter with her reading when I am running late. She notices when my son seems unwell. She has become, as so many Nairobi families discover, a genuine part of how our household functions and how our children are cared for.
My Marriage Got Better
My husband and I were arguing more in the months before I hired help. Neither of us had any energy left for each other by the end of the day. We were co-existing, not connecting. Both of us were running on empty — and when two empty people collide at the end of a hard day, friction is almost inevitable.
With Mercy handling the bulk of the daily household tasks, my husband and I both have something left for each other in the evenings. We can have a conversation that is not about logistics. We can watch something together after the children are in bed. Small things — but they are the things that keep a marriage alive.
My Work Performance Improved Significantly
Within six weeks of Mercy starting, my manager commented on a noticeable shift in my energy and focus at work. I was not taking stress calls mid-meeting about the children. I was not arriving distracted or exhausted. I was sleeping better. I was thinking more clearly.
For many women in Kenya, life feels like an endless race. When the household component of that race is shared, the whole pace of life changes. You still work hard — but you work from a place of stability rather than desperation.
I Got My Weekends Back
Before Mercy, weekends were extensions of the working week — just with different tasks. Now, Saturday mornings are for my family. We go to the park. We go to church together without rushing. My daughter and I bake. My son and I read together on the couch. These are the memories they will carry.
The house is still clean. The laundry is still done. But it did not cost me my Saturday to get there.
I Started Taking Care of Myself Again
This one surprised me most. With some of the daily pressure lifted, I found myself doing things I had stopped doing entirely. I went back to the gym — just twice a week, but consistently. I started reading again. I called friends I had not spoken to properly in months. I made a dentist appointment I had been putting off for a year.
None of this sounds extraordinary. But for a woman who had been running on empty for two years, each of these small acts of self-care felt like coming back to herself.
What I Learned About Guilt
The guilt I expected to feel — for having help, for not doing it all myself — largely did not materialise. Or rather, it was quickly replaced by something else: relief. And then gratitude.
I realised that the guilt had never been protecting my family. It had only been protecting an idea — the idea of the perfect, all-capable mother — that was costing my actual family the real, present, energised mother they needed.
Tildah Kahuthu, a Kenyan mother, said of her house help: “She stood in the gap. God bless her.” Her advice to other Kenyan mums: be patient with house girls as they too are human and are bound to make mistakes. Your priority should always be the baby. Treat them well.
This captures it perfectly. A good house help does not take your place — in your home, in your children’s lives, or in your marriage. She stands in the gap. She handles what needs to be handled so that you can be fully present for what only you can do.
What to Know Before You Hire
If reading this is pushing you toward making the decision, here are a few things I would tell you based on my own experience:
Be Honest About What You Need
Before you start looking, be clear about what role you need filled. Do you need general cleaning and cooking? Do you need childcare specifically? Do you need someone live-in or a dayburg who comes during the day? Being specific helps you find the right match quickly.
Use a Reputable Agency
I cannot overstate how much easier it was to hire through a registered agency. The agency I used had already verified Mercy’s documents, run a background check, and checked her references. I still did my own due diligence — I called her previous employers myself and conducted a thorough interview — but the baseline work had been done.
Put Everything in Writing
Create a simple written contract that outlines the salary, duties, working hours, leave days, house rules, and trial period. This protects both of you and sets clear expectations from day one. Misunderstandings that could have been avoided with a clear written agreement are the most common source of employer-house help conflict.
Pay Fairly and Pay on Time
The current legal minimum wage for domestic workers in Nairobi is KES 16,113 per month. Pay at or above this. Pay on time, every month, without delay. A house help who feels fairly compensated is more motivated, more loyal, and more likely to stay long-term. Staff turnover — the constant cycle of hiring, training, and losing house help — is far more disruptive and costly than paying a fair wage from the start.
Treat Her With Dignity
Mercy is not just someone who works in my house. She is a person with her own life, family, and aspirations. Treating her with respect, acknowledging her good work, giving her proper time off, and making her feel valued has made all the difference in our working relationship. She has now been with us for fourteen months, and I genuinely hope she stays for many more years.
The families that struggle most with house help retention are often the ones where basic dignity and respect are absent. Fairness is not just the right thing — it is also the practical thing.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q1: Is it selfish to hire a house help as a working mum?
Not at all. Hiring a house help is a practical, strategic decision that benefits your entire household — your children, your partner, your work, and your health. Showing up for your family as a rested, present, and emotionally available mother is far more valuable than showing up exhausted just to prove you can do it all alone.
Q2: How do I find a trustworthy house help in Nairobi?
Start with a registered agency that pre-vets candidates — such as Msichana.co.ke, NurturingNest, Bestcare Recruitment Agency, or Nairobi Nanny. You can also ask for referrals from trusted friends or neighbours. Always verify the National ID, request a Certificate of Good Conduct, and personally call all references before making a decision.
Q3: What if I can only afford part-time help?
Part-time and dayburg options are widely available and very common in Nairobi. Even three mornings a week for cleaning, laundry, and meal preparation can make a significant difference to your weekly load. Start with what your budget allows and adjust as your needs evolve.
Q4: Will my children become too attached to the house help?
A warm, caring relationship between your house help and your children is a good thing — it means your children feel safe and well-cared for in your absence. Your bond as their mother remains unique and irreplaceable. No house help replaces a parent; she supports the family so the parent can be more fully present when they are home.
Q5: How do I manage the transition and help her settle in?
Give her a thorough handover during the first week — show her where everything is, explain your household routine, and introduce her to the children gradually. Be patient during the adjustment period. Clear, kind communication from the start makes the biggest difference. Start with a 1–3 month trial period and review together before committing to a long-term arrangement.
Q6: What if things don’t work out?
This happens, and it is okay. Set a clear trial period from the start and assess openly at the end of it. If the arrangement is not working, address it early rather than letting it drag on. If you hired through an agency, most offer free replacements within a specified period. The right match may take one or two attempts — but when you find the right person, it is absolutely worth it.
Q7: How do I protect my home and valuables?
Standard precautions include not leaving large sums of cash or valuable items openly accessible, installing basic home security, and building trust gradually over the probation period. Hiring through a reputable agency that conducts background checks significantly reduces your risk. Most importantly, never skip the Certificate of Good Conduct and reference-checking steps.
Q8: I feel guilty. How do I get over it?
Acknowledge the guilt, then examine it honestly. Ask yourself: Is this guilt serving my family, or is it just protecting an unrealistic expectation of what a good mother looks like? Getting help is not giving up. It is giving your family the best version of you — rested, present, and whole.
And fourteen months later, sitting at my kitchen table on a Saturday morning with a cup of tea, watching my children play in a clean house while dinner is already planned — I can tell you with absolute certainty: it was the best decision I ever made for my family.